it could happen, and i know it

because of my training in delft, i had to leave an internal company training about 1 and half days earlier. after about a week plus of not being in the office, finally stepped in today - and also finally got to hear all the gossip drama incidents that happened in the last 1 and half day i wasn't around!

(yeah apparently they all happened AFTER i left. ergh!)

of course getting to be in the little town of canals and cobblestones was awesome, but at the same time i was quite sad to leave the internal company training earlier than the rest. i was kinda having fun! mostly because of the fellow colleagues from other branches. they're an awesome bunch =) but i think everyone got tighter in the last 1 and half day after i left wth -_-

anyway, apparently at the end of the training, each individual was given a short testimonial... after observations from the big ones during training. omg damn creepy lor. they were observing us the whole time? O_o

so my colleagues very kindly repeated what was said about me. and er, was kinda vague cos it's been a while and memories get foggy -_- but i think it was roughly about erm how i'm learning the ropes all fast paced, but i gotta be careful and know how to slow down, else i risk burnout.

i couldn't help but laugh at that la. so bloody true lor. but here's the thing - i don't really have a choice. these stuff thrown onto my plate, i gotta take it up, no? whether i want to or not (and, ok i do kinda want to, i mean to a certain extent la), i'm facing the ever steep learning curve.

looking at my heavily pregnant boss working at it much harder than i am, it's a bit rich of me to want to slow down. especially once she pops out her baby, which is ANYTIME literally (whee, baby!), there's no room to take things slower. if anything, i'm expecting things to go crazier, what with her absence and me still at the foot of the learning curve.

i realise that work is, for me, so far so good. well, in a sense that as stressful as it may get, it's still somewhat (though occasionally, barely) manageable. my attention to other things or aspects in life however, tend to take a backseat. sometimes banished verryyyy far to the back. not a good sign.

(abrupt change of topic ahead!)

i do want to talk. to you, and to you, and to you as well. oh well, you too, i guess.

and... you, as well.

but i'll end up being/sounding defensive obvious irresponsible naive stupid foolhardy ignorant nonchalant needy cynical emotional annoyed clingy demanding superficial disinterested hurtful flighty ashamed ridiculous scornful mean destructive small uneasy vulnerable indecisive broken incapable careless hostile predictable immature belittling unperturbed weary unwilling

... geez i was kinda having fun there -_- ok ok enough, i've stopped already.

as it is, all of you are my very close friends. well, close in different ways. i don't like having to make a decision between this and between that. i don't like being told certain things, ie what to do (i'm not saying one shouldn't, this is just the juvenile defensive side getting the better of me).

i risk sounding mean, but i'm being honest here, or at the very least, trying to be as honest as i can be. at the risk of ruining our friendship, etc etc.

and yes, i did say that i do want to talk, but i'm just not ready yet. and the reasons vary for each of you.

(well ok, i think the main reason for all is that work is on the forefront for now. seems like it's been THERE for quite a long time already. sigh. such is life. hello burnout -_-).

also, i am not an egg.

... okay, that didn't really make any sense. although, one could argue that i am shaped like an egg, all rotund and... you know what, nevermind. -_-

(but since we're on the topic of eggs - why would most assume that humpty dumpty is an egg? no where in the rhyme / riddle states anything to do with an egg. humpty dumpty could be anything breakable that can't be put together again, for that matter)

[edit]: aha. not necessarily an egg.

right. sorry about the egg thing. am really going off tangent, and this is likely a result of lack of sleep, cos i haven't been able to sleep. argh. one or two more days and my body clock should be back to normal? yes? =(

alright, enough pointless ramble. i feel very weird hitting the "publish post" button (orange!). it's been a while since i've blogged more than some random sentence, or a half-assed paragraph. actually it's been a while since i've done any personal writing. oh well. kinda forgot that it could be oddly therapeutic.

think maybe it's time i privatized this thing. i'm enough of an open book already. no need to start READING out loud from my pages to random passer-byes.