as you wish

aha, i know this is reallllyyy late but it doesn't mean i am any less grateful =) thanks to everyone for their wishes, and to those who celebrated with me as well. special thanks for those who did some planning, you know who you are =) thankiuuu especially since i was being extra anti-social during that time (and up until now T_T).

the cake is a pie



i didn't get a nice picture of the pretty box filled with chocolates and the bear =( but er, rest assured, the bear's nicely on my bed and the chocolates all in my tummy haha no la i'm not such a glutton! *cough*

thanks guys. and girls =P

*hugs everyone*


oh and the blog title may seem a bit out of place, but it is not! i was just mucking around online the other day, being really sick... er, in the literal sense and but also sick of doing work.

and i stumbled across the princess bride! =D it's gotta be one of my favourite movies right now, it's damn nice! really! and damn funny too. title of the movie may sound like it's some mindless cliched fairytale, but the movie's really tongue in cheek.

also, it doesn't hurt that the hero's so damn cute =D



the moment he appeared, i gasped and hit the pause button =P



sorry, i have a thing for floppy haired cute guys =D



*melts* (ok yeah sorry la too busy staring at his pic to think of a caption)



"as you wish."



for most part of the movie he looked like this.
as much as i liked the floppy haired farm-boy look,
i much preferred his character becoming sarcastic and damn yeng.



anyway, the movie's bout more than 20 years old. so yeah, you know how some guys age really well and look sexier as they grow older? well, the actor i was swooning over? ... he didn't age that well -_- haih not that he's ugly la, just... nevermind, let me go back to staring at his young self. *cough*

ok as much as i like staring at him i'm not that superficial la. my favourite scene out of the movie is the fencing scene, so there.

"hello. my name is inigo montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die."

geez i'm such a geek.

when doing the right thing makes you feel stupid

sometimes doing the right thing isn't exactly the smartest choice. but then again, it depends on how you look at it.

although what's obvious now is that... if i do things the way they are doing it, it sure as hell will save me a lot of time. not to mention lower my level of stress.

i was fine, initially. i finally accepted it as such, and decided to do the best i can with whatever i had. i mean, heck, that's what research is all about, right. plus it's a learning process. cheh, philosophical.

but talking to someone yesterday, i got pretty disheartened. she was gonna do this canggih thingy, which i was all for it - i mean, it's great that she has all this initiative.

and then i discovered that, she had done some changes to her data, and this produced nice results, and thus, enabled her to do the canggih thingy. now really, i memang know there are people who do stuff to their data. not like it's a real shocker or anything. but there she was, going to do this canggih thing, telling me of others who are doing/have done changes to their data. i wasn't shocked or surprised la. i just felt really disheartened there and then. there they are, with their nice results, and on the other hand, i have... nothing to show.

i'm not judging her or them, k. i'm certainly not in a position to do that. and it's really none of my business what they do. all i'm saying is that, i felt disheartened la. and kinda stupid, haih.

i'll be honest though - it's something i'm very tempted to do. really. i'm not a saint la. but i guess at the end of the day, i wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. coward -_-

no la not cowardly la. i just feel that i'll be letting a lot of people down. plus, as much as my work sucks (it really DOES suck -_-), i still have this teensy bit of respect for it.


[edit] i do feel better now. few people have put things into perspective for me.

24

even now, it's still my go to song at times like this. not for the lack of songs in my playlist, but this song always hits the right chord in me.

(but sometimes it inadvertently makes me think of how switchfoot DIDN'T PERFORM THIS SONG IN MALAYSIA kenapaaaaa T_T)

(and then i think of how SINGAPORE always gets the upper hand in awesome concerts. argh.)

ok ok digressing. i need to stop complaining cos even though JASON MRAZ came to malaysia, i didn't go. sighh.

24 on loooooop.

o hai

so far things have been going pretty decently =) avalanche of assignments, plus the ever looming thesis deadline... but i should be okay, i think. what's more, i've been getting tremendous support and help from many. i am one very lucky person.

... afterthought. a lot of things i have to put on hold, or push to the back of my mind for now. not that they are any less important, but in terms of urgency, perhaps it's best that i attend to them later. i do not have the time and the emotional capacity to worry about these matters, at least not for now. just saying. lest i give the impression that i do not want to make any effort or something.

aaaaand that's all folks =)

I am...

... really worried and really stressed and really scared.

... blaming myself because it is of my own doing.

... suddenly overcome by it all.

... crying and i can't stop.

... damn scared, even now, during the calm before the storm.

... hoping really hard that everything will turn out okay in the end.


sorry, weak moment. i still can't stop crying (attack of the tears wth). and it's probably lack of sleep and so many things running through my mind and i just can't stop thinking and worrying ARGH.


[edit] i just had a bit of good news! things are looking up a bit. still stressed, but no more weak moment. =)

[edit edit] sangat terharu. i have the awesomest friends ever =) to those who offered words of comfort, offered to help, already helping me, you guys are awesome la. words can't describe how grateful and blessed i feel.

elephant

hello everyone~ meet the elephant that goes "quack"!

(yes, "quack". like a duck.)

said elephant



for those who don't get it, here you go:

i'm back!

not so much in a physical sense, but i'm backkkk~ in two ways =D

firstly, i'm finally WELL AGAIN. yes, i am! at long last. i came down with food poisoning last monday. lasted for one and a half week. was really nasty, what with countless times of throwing up, constant feeling of nausea, fatigue cos food all thrown up and i had no appetite, watery diarrhea hehe i hope you're not reading this while eating or going to eat. but man, coming down with flu isn't as bad as experiencing food poisoning. hate the nausea and general feeling of malaise.

and also, i was eating nothing but bread and porridge the whole time! i was SO HAPPY when i finally got my appetite back on thursday! and can eat rice! and lauk. but i'm still watching what i eat now: no dairy stuff, no fried stuff, no oily stuff, etc. i'm sure you all won't find it hard to understand all the different kinds of food i'm craving to eat now! but baby steps, baby steps... chinese new year is coming... i'm gonna go on a crazy eating rampage then! HAH. oh boyyy i'm seriously craving for carbonaraaaaa... most western food actually. oh and SASHIMI oh boy oh boy i really wanna eat sashimi~!

and nah, i don't think i lost much weight although some have commented that i look as though i have. anyhoo, even if i did lose weight, i'll prolly gain them back soon.

secondly, as i was on my way to recovering but not quite there yet, i had a few panicky days about some stuff i had to do... PRONTO. sigh, my procrastinating nature might just land me in deep shit this time. how bad is it? well, it didn't really register in my mind that the procedure will take that long. like, really long. so very long that most who had to, sent in their letters as early as october last year, or maybe even earlier? bad enough that i'm some champion procrastinator, but it's made even worse by the fact that i can be the blurrest ever when it comes to certain things. like, really really blur and clueless.

how bad is it? instead of being sensible and on time by sending in my letter around october last year like most did, i realised i had yet to do so. and i'm talking bout mid january, only do i start panicking and flapping around like some harried chicken losing its head. so on top of not feeling well, i was also feeling DAMN scared and panicky... i couldn't sleep, i couldn't sit still, i couldn't do ANYthing but worry and worry and worry some more and then worry even more that i'm worrying so much that i won't get well in time and then this will make me hit a high in worrying and go into the nirvana of worrying which is the highest level of worry one can possibly achieve *cough*

well, as it goes, when it comes to this, you do what you can do. so i did just that, and finally handed in my letter by hand last thursday. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it won't take too long and that everything will be done in time. in time meaning at least la before i have to do my presentation and not after!!!! *mini panics* cos you see, i have one more letter to hand in but i can only do so after this one gets approved, and the second approval takes time toooo so this had all better be settled latest by end of next month please please please.

but i'm being optimistic for now and hope things will turn out ok. at least i'm not longer the wreck i was during those few days when i was all panicky and crazily worried and stressed out. i'm guessing that me being sick made me all the more panicky cos all i wanted to do was to GET WELL so i can prepare my letter ASAP. so yeah, i was a crazy stressed out wreck, so stressed that i could hardly even stand the thought of it. it was one of the least pleasant experience i had.

but like i said, i'm backkk~ meaning i'm no longer sick! and also back to being bouncy positive me. i'm so positive that i can acknowledge that the experience wasn't all bad. mum really jaga-ed me when i was sick, and in some crazy attack of stress, she was the one i cried to -_- ok i didn't really cry as in cry *tries to redeem self* i was really sick and panicky okayyyyy *cough*. and then, friends who were concerned even though they didn't know what was going on and i was too panicky to talk to them about it. and poor wen, whom i called her in a panic quite a few times regarding the letter thingy and procedures etc... cos she was in the exact same boat as i was haha. also, the few coursemates, those who did the letter last year, were really helpful and concerned when i asked them frantically about the whole thing.

(wah what is this, acceptance speech kah?)

... and brian, who's the most supportive, caring, sweet boyfriend everrr. ok la won't disgust you guys about the many details you probably do not want to hear. like how he got me some bacteria so i can get better. yah, so now i eat bacteria every morning before sarapan. mmmm~.