my little green tortoise car

said goodbye to my little green car last sunday ='(

i sat inside the driver's seat for one last time after clearing my stuff from the car.

and i took a picture too



it came to me on Christmas day, when i was 18. silly little second-hand car. daddy drove it all the way from johor. my very first car, and it's been 5 years.


poor little rundown car. radio dah rosak, window dah rosak.



it took me through form 6, my entire uni life, my first (short-lived) job, and up til recently as i settled down in my new job.



the car door kena dented during my final sem in uni. dented edi, then cannot open.
that's why door handle broke off when li jian people tried to buka pintu



i apologized to my car for seldom hardly ever never washing it. eh, rain = free car wash mah. *cough* my car never complained ok, is good car =D



initial d sticker given by xue =) left an imprint on the window -_-



and i sat in my car reminiscing 5 years worth of memory...
among the most vivid ones were of it breaking down / dying in the middle of the highway, the many times when i langgar it... besides langgar car (4 times) and langgar motor (once) and kena langgar (twice), my car also langgar house gate, school gate, car park pillar, etc before -_-



every year sure langgar something one -_-



needless to say, the little green car quite sad condition =(
sangat the bising, and it vibrates very violenty -_-
i probably built quite a bit of arm muscle wrestling with the steering wheel all these while... especially when doing three point turns and the likes O_o



looook! lotr sticker, also from xue



but i is still loves my leeetle green car =(
(yes i know some people call it shit green. it's not shit green! it's a nice metallic green)


see, my (ex)car so cute. and NICE METALLIC GREEN.


i felt that to end this post, this picture would be particularly fitting




goodbye, my little green tortoise car.

too cute not to post up!

hello everybadi! i'm back for a quickie post - video plug!

argh i can't stop watching this video.

there's also another version - really cute too, but only almost as cute as the one above. *clicky!*

lost. not the tv series.

i feel as though i've made the wrong decision.

either that, or i'm incredibly weak.

(which, okay, i admit i AM weak.)

it's been bugging me ever since... well, at least from the second week.

i don't know if i'll be making the right decision this time, cos i have to make a decision.

i hate this nagging feeling.

but i have to make a decision.

actually, come think of it... i have already made the decision. what's left is when to execute it.

the moral of the story is, to follow what your heart tells you.

especially with a brain like mine, it's pointless to follow your mind.

for some reason, i feel more lost than when i started out.

hello everybadi~

the past week has certainly been eye-opening... if not crazy intensive -_- i have so much to learn, and there's so much i don't know! the learning curve is steep indeed. indeedy. indeedy do. indeedydoodydooda ok i shall stop.

anyway. it's a classic case of "the more you know, the more you realise just how much you don't know". which is good, really. and i'll be thrown in the deep end (to me it IS the deep end okayyy T_T) - but it's a good way to learn, i guess. i sound so optimistic and positive right. must keep this attitude mah -_- *waver*

on an equally bright note (if not brighter, ahem), my convo's next sunday!!! 9th august!!! prolly gonna wear baju kurung wth. argh. girls not allowed to wear slacks! new rule, apparently - only commenced last year. so now, girls can only wear dresses that reach the ANKLES wtf, or skirt labuh. which would be MAXI SKIRTS double wtf. I AM SO FRUSTRATED OVER THESE STUPID RULES ARGHHH. dammit la. right until the very last moment, at our graduation, and the uni still wants to antagonize us with these mindless rules. HONESTLY.

speaking of which, UPM kena H1N1 last week, sigh. but anyway! that's not important! what's important is my convocation ok. so come la to my convo! =D come one come allllll~ =D

YAY

I'M BACK

will be MIA

as in, MIA online-wise.

computer went kaput since monday. not sure when will it be up and running again, kinda depends on si brian. prolly not any time soon as he's a busy boy man boy. so no, i won't be reading/replying emails, i won't be on msn, i won't be on facebook, or twitter except the occasional tweet from my mobile.

anything, please sms or call me. calls might be missed as will be busy next couple of days, and also because i have this tendency of leaving my phone unattended -_- but if you calls are unanswered (aww. here's a pat in advance), just drop me a text.

please miss me a lot. *cough* -_-


p.s. xue and flea, read the numerous emails that i missed this past week. no time to reply now T_T but just so you know, i finally read them.

too much anger boiling in me now. i know it's wrong, i know it's immature. but enough is enough.

the moment i am able to, i'll get my freedom. i don't give a shit anymore. and you know what? same treatment to them, what i got the last time. i'm not gonna bother telling them, like how they never bothered telling me. as if i'm some piece of furniture they were bringing along.

no. tell them for what.

i'll just leave.

can you help me unravel my latest mistake

modest mouse and love story

i've been in some sort of music exploration drought for quite some time. the (really long) list i made of bands/singers to check out have been neglected for wayy too long.

randomly clicking on a modest mouse video today left me realizing how much i miss checking out awesome music. and digging around listening to their older songs made me damn happy =D why? cos i likey their sound!

was gonna post satellite skin, video of one of their new songs. so weird that me likes it =D but decided that i like guilty cocker spaniel wayyy more! and quite a number of their other older songs too, but guilty cocker spaniel is new mah.

so here's a live version of it. so far the only version on youtube. credits to the one who filmed it... he got bruises on his chest in the process, haha damn kesian wey.

ohh, and my second obsession. jon schmidt =) his "all of me" is amazing, but the one i'm currently smitten with is love story meets viva la vida. love story sounds really nice on piano! listening to him play makes me feel like playing the piano again. but me no talent la *cough*.

i also feel like learning the cello. cis, all talk and no action. kk on with the video.

the lion and the tree

a collection of (mainly very random) pics from my phone, hence the lack of quality and variety in pics =\

Malacca



we decided to do without chicken rice balls,
as they're now tiny and not as "hiong" as last time.
jue did some online searching and found this teochew place.
pretty good stuff!



random pic from the teochew place.
BOOZE... loads of them! =D



at portuguese village.
the real deal obviously looks much better.



sunset =)



eye on malaysia. more like eye on malacca.
or eye on a small portion of malacca.
nicer to look at than to be on.



Singapore

Day 1



look! ferris wheel! *jakun*
taken on the bus.



so cute! and yummy =D
some soya bean snack thingy.
the soya mocha is nice too =)



COFFEE =D =D =D



at the coffee connoisseur.
i love all the different acronyms.



blue balls anyone? buy one get one free.
at the esplanade.
my other pics turned out looking like crap.



the obligatory merlion pic.
i'll post up the one of me being a merlion when i get the pic >=)



instant mashed potatoes from 7-11 =D
for only $1 T_T
(i am not being jakun!)



Day 2



shoes! look, so happy clappy!
super *heart* the shoes i got!



tried mos burger, heh. i know, so touristy.



frozen strawberries from mos burger.
super nice wey.



slab of mocha chip ice-cream at orchard road.



WAH SAI EH, TALKING LOUDLY VERY UNCIVILIZED YOU KNOW!!



err random pic. at suntec i think.



lobster salad sushi!
loves it, except for the slight hint of wasabi =\



cinderella and her glass slippers. sooo cute.



Day 3



from daiso =) before heading back to pj.
was rushing for bus,
so didn't get to beli chocs for you guys =(

and so it is

the last of my final exam, over =) had a random flashback during the exam, that the very first test i sat for in my uni life was for a subject taught by this same lecturer. vaguely remember how mad he got when us noobie first sem students back then were a little out of hand in the exam hall for our very first uni test. prompted him spit out the phrase "shame on you!" while trying to settle us down. i found the whole thing very funny, cos those words and the way he said it was damn out of place. in fact, back then i was probably catching a friend's eye and smirking at his hilarious fit of anger.

GASP WHAT IS THIS RANDOM INCRIMINATING PICTURE!!!


wahahahaha. goodness, waaaaayyyyyyyyy back during our first sem O_O

i think i'm in denial that my uni life is approaching its end. no la haven't ended yet, still got thesis to kao tim. and then...

i'll be done =)

and if the world decides to catch up with me
still little victories

finally final finals finale fish

final final exam tomorrow and i'm totally not into the mood for studying. party mode kicking in too early O_O and the subject is... MOTIVATION and human achievement. yes the irony. no motivation to study about motivation. *cough*

and can't wait to get over and done with my thesis. seriously man, it makes me feel damn impatient when i think about it. ITCHING to get it off my back. all done and dusted.

come wednesday, MALACCA! and then (hopefully) SINGAPORE!!!

(yes yes i will do my thesis while on these trips! shhh don't nag me)

back to study~ *hums*

gotta meet the plane
so i can get my monkey
teach him to be cool
but a little bit funky

spot the tortoise

=)


... ok now i should REALLY get a move on studying. exam on tues wed thurs and i have not touched my notes. *nervous* -_-

as you wish

aha, i know this is reallllyyy late but it doesn't mean i am any less grateful =) thanks to everyone for their wishes, and to those who celebrated with me as well. special thanks for those who did some planning, you know who you are =) thankiuuu especially since i was being extra anti-social during that time (and up until now T_T).

the cake is a pie



i didn't get a nice picture of the pretty box filled with chocolates and the bear =( but er, rest assured, the bear's nicely on my bed and the chocolates all in my tummy haha no la i'm not such a glutton! *cough*

thanks guys. and girls =P

*hugs everyone*


oh and the blog title may seem a bit out of place, but it is not! i was just mucking around online the other day, being really sick... er, in the literal sense and but also sick of doing work.

and i stumbled across the princess bride! =D it's gotta be one of my favourite movies right now, it's damn nice! really! and damn funny too. title of the movie may sound like it's some mindless cliched fairytale, but the movie's really tongue in cheek.

also, it doesn't hurt that the hero's so damn cute =D



the moment he appeared, i gasped and hit the pause button =P



sorry, i have a thing for floppy haired cute guys =D



*melts* (ok yeah sorry la too busy staring at his pic to think of a caption)



"as you wish."



for most part of the movie he looked like this.
as much as i liked the floppy haired farm-boy look,
i much preferred his character becoming sarcastic and damn yeng.



anyway, the movie's bout more than 20 years old. so yeah, you know how some guys age really well and look sexier as they grow older? well, the actor i was swooning over? ... he didn't age that well -_- haih not that he's ugly la, just... nevermind, let me go back to staring at his young self. *cough*

ok as much as i like staring at him i'm not that superficial la. my favourite scene out of the movie is the fencing scene, so there.

"hello. my name is inigo montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die."

geez i'm such a geek.

when doing the right thing makes you feel stupid

sometimes doing the right thing isn't exactly the smartest choice. but then again, it depends on how you look at it.

although what's obvious now is that... if i do things the way they are doing it, it sure as hell will save me a lot of time. not to mention lower my level of stress.

i was fine, initially. i finally accepted it as such, and decided to do the best i can with whatever i had. i mean, heck, that's what research is all about, right. plus it's a learning process. cheh, philosophical.

but talking to someone yesterday, i got pretty disheartened. she was gonna do this canggih thingy, which i was all for it - i mean, it's great that she has all this initiative.

and then i discovered that, she had done some changes to her data, and this produced nice results, and thus, enabled her to do the canggih thingy. now really, i memang know there are people who do stuff to their data. not like it's a real shocker or anything. but there she was, going to do this canggih thing, telling me of others who are doing/have done changes to their data. i wasn't shocked or surprised la. i just felt really disheartened there and then. there they are, with their nice results, and on the other hand, i have... nothing to show.

i'm not judging her or them, k. i'm certainly not in a position to do that. and it's really none of my business what they do. all i'm saying is that, i felt disheartened la. and kinda stupid, haih.

i'll be honest though - it's something i'm very tempted to do. really. i'm not a saint la. but i guess at the end of the day, i wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. coward -_-

no la not cowardly la. i just feel that i'll be letting a lot of people down. plus, as much as my work sucks (it really DOES suck -_-), i still have this teensy bit of respect for it.


[edit] i do feel better now. few people have put things into perspective for me.

24

even now, it's still my go to song at times like this. not for the lack of songs in my playlist, but this song always hits the right chord in me.

(but sometimes it inadvertently makes me think of how switchfoot DIDN'T PERFORM THIS SONG IN MALAYSIA kenapaaaaa T_T)

(and then i think of how SINGAPORE always gets the upper hand in awesome concerts. argh.)

ok ok digressing. i need to stop complaining cos even though JASON MRAZ came to malaysia, i didn't go. sighh.

24 on loooooop.

o hai

so far things have been going pretty decently =) avalanche of assignments, plus the ever looming thesis deadline... but i should be okay, i think. what's more, i've been getting tremendous support and help from many. i am one very lucky person.

... afterthought. a lot of things i have to put on hold, or push to the back of my mind for now. not that they are any less important, but in terms of urgency, perhaps it's best that i attend to them later. i do not have the time and the emotional capacity to worry about these matters, at least not for now. just saying. lest i give the impression that i do not want to make any effort or something.

aaaaand that's all folks =)

I am...

... really worried and really stressed and really scared.

... blaming myself because it is of my own doing.

... suddenly overcome by it all.

... crying and i can't stop.

... damn scared, even now, during the calm before the storm.

... hoping really hard that everything will turn out okay in the end.


sorry, weak moment. i still can't stop crying (attack of the tears wth). and it's probably lack of sleep and so many things running through my mind and i just can't stop thinking and worrying ARGH.


[edit] i just had a bit of good news! things are looking up a bit. still stressed, but no more weak moment. =)

[edit edit] sangat terharu. i have the awesomest friends ever =) to those who offered words of comfort, offered to help, already helping me, you guys are awesome la. words can't describe how grateful and blessed i feel.

elephant

hello everyone~ meet the elephant that goes "quack"!

(yes, "quack". like a duck.)

said elephant



for those who don't get it, here you go:

i'm back!

not so much in a physical sense, but i'm backkkk~ in two ways =D

firstly, i'm finally WELL AGAIN. yes, i am! at long last. i came down with food poisoning last monday. lasted for one and a half week. was really nasty, what with countless times of throwing up, constant feeling of nausea, fatigue cos food all thrown up and i had no appetite, watery diarrhea hehe i hope you're not reading this while eating or going to eat. but man, coming down with flu isn't as bad as experiencing food poisoning. hate the nausea and general feeling of malaise.

and also, i was eating nothing but bread and porridge the whole time! i was SO HAPPY when i finally got my appetite back on thursday! and can eat rice! and lauk. but i'm still watching what i eat now: no dairy stuff, no fried stuff, no oily stuff, etc. i'm sure you all won't find it hard to understand all the different kinds of food i'm craving to eat now! but baby steps, baby steps... chinese new year is coming... i'm gonna go on a crazy eating rampage then! HAH. oh boyyy i'm seriously craving for carbonaraaaaa... most western food actually. oh and SASHIMI oh boy oh boy i really wanna eat sashimi~!

and nah, i don't think i lost much weight although some have commented that i look as though i have. anyhoo, even if i did lose weight, i'll prolly gain them back soon.

secondly, as i was on my way to recovering but not quite there yet, i had a few panicky days about some stuff i had to do... PRONTO. sigh, my procrastinating nature might just land me in deep shit this time. how bad is it? well, it didn't really register in my mind that the procedure will take that long. like, really long. so very long that most who had to, sent in their letters as early as october last year, or maybe even earlier? bad enough that i'm some champion procrastinator, but it's made even worse by the fact that i can be the blurrest ever when it comes to certain things. like, really really blur and clueless.

how bad is it? instead of being sensible and on time by sending in my letter around october last year like most did, i realised i had yet to do so. and i'm talking bout mid january, only do i start panicking and flapping around like some harried chicken losing its head. so on top of not feeling well, i was also feeling DAMN scared and panicky... i couldn't sleep, i couldn't sit still, i couldn't do ANYthing but worry and worry and worry some more and then worry even more that i'm worrying so much that i won't get well in time and then this will make me hit a high in worrying and go into the nirvana of worrying which is the highest level of worry one can possibly achieve *cough*

well, as it goes, when it comes to this, you do what you can do. so i did just that, and finally handed in my letter by hand last thursday. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it won't take too long and that everything will be done in time. in time meaning at least la before i have to do my presentation and not after!!!! *mini panics* cos you see, i have one more letter to hand in but i can only do so after this one gets approved, and the second approval takes time toooo so this had all better be settled latest by end of next month please please please.

but i'm being optimistic for now and hope things will turn out ok. at least i'm not longer the wreck i was during those few days when i was all panicky and crazily worried and stressed out. i'm guessing that me being sick made me all the more panicky cos all i wanted to do was to GET WELL so i can prepare my letter ASAP. so yeah, i was a crazy stressed out wreck, so stressed that i could hardly even stand the thought of it. it was one of the least pleasant experience i had.

but like i said, i'm backkk~ meaning i'm no longer sick! and also back to being bouncy positive me. i'm so positive that i can acknowledge that the experience wasn't all bad. mum really jaga-ed me when i was sick, and in some crazy attack of stress, she was the one i cried to -_- ok i didn't really cry as in cry *tries to redeem self* i was really sick and panicky okayyyyy *cough*. and then, friends who were concerned even though they didn't know what was going on and i was too panicky to talk to them about it. and poor wen, whom i called her in a panic quite a few times regarding the letter thingy and procedures etc... cos she was in the exact same boat as i was haha. also, the few coursemates, those who did the letter last year, were really helpful and concerned when i asked them frantically about the whole thing.

(wah what is this, acceptance speech kah?)

... and brian, who's the most supportive, caring, sweet boyfriend everrr. ok la won't disgust you guys about the many details you probably do not want to hear. like how he got me some bacteria so i can get better. yah, so now i eat bacteria every morning before sarapan. mmmm~.

... and a happy new year

i do realise that i haven't been blogging for quite a while. and my previous entries were hardly proper blog posts, ahah, shy. surprisingly, i didn't blog last month. december is usually my favourite month, cos there's always CHRISTMAS~ =D but nah, didn't feel the Christmas mood much this year, was too busy running around. Christmas eve wasn't that awesome as i attempted to do some last minute shopping (no i wasn't crazy, i didn't have much choice larr). so i practically spent the eve getting lost amongst the shopping crowd, waiting for the ktm and theN squishing myself in packed ktm. yeah, not exactly very... uh, Christmas-y? only felt a bit more Christmas-sy after going for midnight mass, to celebrate the "bird" of Christ. what, that was how the pastor pronounced it =P

so yeah, how was youR Christmas? mine was pretty ok =) on the day itself i spent some time with my parents, something i haven't done in quite a bit. and it was nice to spend the last few hours of Christmas with someone i wanted to spend it with... plus a little toy elephant that goes quack =)

ok i know i'm a bit late la, talking about Christmas -_- now that it's already the new year. fine, new year's eve kinda rocked too. there you go. haha and oh my gosh, i just checked facebook and... argh incriminating picturessssss -_-

new year's eve. fireworks were awesome, as we were practically standing right under them. awesome and a little scary, but very thrilling =) it was also a day of realisation wth. nah, i just know that i'll need to learn to be more attentive, more mature =) especially when something means this much to us.

on another note, i just finished the alchemist the day before. perhaps the timing is just right, especially when someone has just seriously spoken to me about it. although the book is kinda a tad too spiritual for me. however, i got the main message.

and i'll find my personal legend. i should've done it a long time ago.

oh and by the way, happy new year to all =) i suddenly miss friends that i haven't seen in a while. sigh.