guilt tripped

another saturday, another weekend i have to work from home (what's new, eh?)

as i walked out of the kitchen carrying my instant noodles breakfast/lunch/teatime to makan and work at the same time, si isaac ran up to me, wanting to play.

me: sorry isaac, yi yi need to work ok? yi yi play with you later.

isaac: *rambling* why yi yi why work why

me: *proceeds to walk upstairs*

isaac: *standing at foot of stairs watching me walk up* yi yi go upstairs, yi yi dowan to play with isaac!




noooooooooooooo. this is horrible. his mata besar coupled with his serious expression, it just kills me T__T

power off

aiyo. i wish there was a switch so that i can shut down my mind and stop thinking just like that.

gotta stop. thinking. too. much.




... fikir yang bukan-bukan, wahaha.

it's that time again

bazaars!

... and for once i don't mean fashion bazaars =P

*happy*

how does one title posts like this anyway

i shouldn't be drinking coffee at this hour, lest i can't sleep later when i REALLY need to sleep. unfortunately, i suspect that coffee might make it difficult for me to fall asleep. oh, the horror!

(not to mention that i also suspect that coffee gives me the runs, but omg let us pray that this isn't soooooo. coffee is one of my favourite thing in the world!)

coffee = love
no coffee, no joy =(
maybe look for new love. alcohol?



but anyway. am sick of charting, and flipping between the excel file and the powerpoint slides. starting to get pretty jelak with this particular project. i know it, because i don't care for what the numbers are saying anymore -_- blindly charting, yo. damn cannot tahan having to pluck figures one by sickening one. takes me fucken ages to complete one single slide (chock full of said figures painstakingly plucked one by one).

so here i am, blogging. decided not to watch p0rn on office laptop yadda yadda yadda. no la, too bleary to watch anyway.

though not too bleary to suddenly remember something you said not too long ago. it was the way you said it. not so much of semantics - no, nothing as fancy as that. it was as simple as the grammar used. nothing too mind-blowing, but it made all the difference. is vs was. were vs are. that time vs. now.

and then earlier today i read something... somewhere. fine, that somewhere being facebook. facebook is a sneaky creature when it comes to info you don't wanna know. and reading the thingy on facebook, reminded me of what you said, and subsequently totally drove the nail right IN.

...

but then again, am not surprised la. have known it all along. and how do i feel about it, now that it's pretty much happening already?

well, it sucks, but what is it to me anyway. it doesn't (and shouldn't) matter anymore.

it's nice not to feel much of anything, for once.

that being said, what of this other matter at hand? how much longer can i try to avoid thinking about it (key word: try). apparently, as it turns out, emotional detachment is not quite my forte. but feigning normalcy is perhaps somewhat my forte? put them both together, and... you get a really low EQ person wth -_-

aduh, runsingggg. must not be vulnerable dammit.


[edit] ok i realised it seems like i'm very the emo in this post (and last 1 or 2 posts), so here's a funny video wth.



hahaha the ending always cracks me up!
super random and cheesy XD

you spurn my natural emotions

it makes me feel like dir-ir-irt

and i'm hurt

一肚子火

so much so that i just want to drive off into the night. and proceed to crash the car. wreckage. fire.

(though of course, it'll be such a waste of the car)

(there ARE cheaper ways to kill yourself, sherry -_-)

this was almost the final straw. was near breaking point, and now i'm barely a hair's breadth away.